you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
