wrigley field is MILF paradise
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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