well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
