I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
