I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
