we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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