youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
