My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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