What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
