I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
