Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
