I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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