When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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