So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
