remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
