dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
