Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
