so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
