Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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