There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
