Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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