uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
