you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
