Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
