Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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