I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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