I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
