you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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