dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
