he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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