she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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