Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
