Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
