i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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