I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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