ugly people sure do ruin things
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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