imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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