Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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