I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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