K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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