Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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