I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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