I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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