make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
