He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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