I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
