so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
