i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
