He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
