happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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