I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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