ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
