Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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