your parents love me but you hate me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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